Do you suffer with depression and insomnia? If so you might be interested to learn about Ernesto.
Ernesto was a born caretaker. He grew up in El Salvador in a loving family and had, what he describes, as “a good life.” He liked people and noticed when they were in need.
One day, when he was little, he saw a homeless person with her baby on the street. Their situation disturbed him and he went home and asked his mother whether he could give them food and clothes. She said yes, and so he did. “I remember helping people all the time,” Ernesto says, “like if someone was having difficulty crossing the street, I’d assist them.” Ernesto was attuned, from the time he can recall, to others’ suffering. “I’d take the food meant for my mouth and give it to them,” he said. “It made me feel good to help people.”
However, when he was 16 years old Ernesto began to suffer himself. Ernesto doesn’t know why, but he became depressed and struggled to fall asleep at night.
His mother was depressed as well and he wonders if he inherited her problem. He sought help for the depression and was immediately put on antidepressants. Wary of medication, he only took the pills for one week as the side effects disturbed him. He decided to try supplements instead, such as vitamin B12. While he thinks the supplements may have helped, they didn’t solve the problem.
Living in America
By the time Ernesto was 24 he had emigrated to the United States and was working the night shift as a janitor. The depression continued and the sleepless nights became worse.
His work “day” began at 7pm and ended at 3 or 4 in the morning. He knew he needed to sleep during the day, but just couldn’t achieve it. He’d toss and turn until, out of frustration, he would get up and watch TV or read or “just sit there,” he said.
The insomnia was so bad that he didn’t sleep more than 2 broken hours a night for the 5 days a week he worked, “catching up” on his 2 days off. Even on these days off, he managed only 7 hours of sleep a day….clearly not enough to “catch up.”
Ernesto remembers feeling disoriented, confused and extremely tired all the time. On one occasion he drove the 30 minutes between San Francisco where he worked to his home in El Cerrito with no memory of how he got home. On another, he was awake for 5 days straight, on the verge of losing his mind. During this time, Ernesto was often sick. He admits his immune system was likely very weak, given the little sleep he was getting.
Depression and Insomnia: Drugs and Alcohol
Ernesto believes that his insomnia likely furthered his depression. Opposed to drugs and alcohol, he was so desperate he even tried them to help him sleep. However, alcohol only made him more “energetic” and marijuana didn’t work. He tried herbs which helped slightly but not fully. He tried Ambien once, and while it did help him sleep, it left him with a “hangover” and so he stopped the medication after two nights.
Now as a nurse assistant at a Bay Area hospital, Ernesto continues to care for those who suffer. He works tirelessly, often running from one patient’s room to the next, tending to them in the kindest of manners. When one patient repeatedly yelled angrily for him to “get in here!” Ernesto’s response was a tender, “poor guy, his mind has gone.”
He does all of this on approximately 5 hours of interrupted sleep a night. And, in order to get these 5 hours, Ernesto drinks a sleep enhancing herbal tea nightly, followed by an over the counter sleep aid.
Meditation, Yoga and Acupuncture
At present, he’s considering starting meditation, yoga and acupuncture, never giving up on a solution to his depression and insomnia. He admits he has a good life, tries to keep a positive attitude and thrives mostly on helping others.
Does Ernesto’s sleep problem stem from an inherited depression? Or is it a result of a naturally hyper aroused state? After all, Ernesto is a quintessential caretaker, thinking always about others and maybe not as much about himself. Does he bear the weight of the world on his shoulders?
Ernesto maintains his “mind is always going, planning and thinking about things, but I don’t worry. If something is on my mind, I pray to God and then I move on,” he says.
Depression and Insomnia: Conclusion
Because of the latter, meditation may be his best shot at decreasing his depression and helping him sleep as it trains the brain to stay in the present (vs. the past or future), thus reducing rumination and increasing a sense of well-being.
It may also help him stay connected to himself amidst his undying focus on others. Do you see yourself in Ernesto? If so, stay tuned as I’ll check in on him after a few months and see how he’s doing with his new interventions. He is, indeed, a lovely human being who graces the lives of many, all the while, suffering alone, every night.
Dr. Van Deusen received her PhD in Clinical Psychology from the California School of Professional Psychology in Los Angeles in 1992. She has cultivated deep knowledge of attachment theory and stress and has worked with various populations over her two and a half decade career. Her practice is in Seattle, Washington. Buy her book Stressed in the U.S.: 12 Tools to Tackle Anxiety, Loneliness, Tech-Addiction and More here